x
ginkitsune
Welcome to Aydindril
 
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why?
Simple question right?  Seemingly so....  Yet so incredibly wrong.  Why have I been on an emotional rollercoaster lately.  Why have I felt like crying one moment and lashing out the next and still I wear my smile and do what I can for everyone.  Still wear my mask that only a few can see through.  Why have I felt so much sorrow towards those who were........are special to me and I dont see or talk to anymore.  I am longing for something... a touch... a smile....something..  So much and so little.  My mother said something the other day.  She said..."who are you and what did you do with my son".  She knew I was back.  I dont know exactly what had happened to make her see that I was back.  I am back.  Uncertain, smiling,  and an Emotional rollercoaster as well.......I have said it before and I will say it again....Something isnt right.

Reality is just a knotted mess I choose to avoid....
 
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sorry

sorry its been so long everyone, ive been workin a lot and havent been home for more than sleep and food for a while now.  workin on a great story though and ill post that as soon as i get at least 30 pages written.  ttyl bye

 

ps.  lol if you all miss me that much you could always call   812*573*3891  !! no calls between 4 am and 11 am  thats my sleepy time!!

No light web(s) has been casts - cast a web
 
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damnit i cant say it to them
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. List ten things you want to say to10 people but know you never will.
2. Don't say who they are.
3. Feel free to comment, but I'm not confirming or answering anything.
4. Never discuss it again.


1. Dood, get off your ass and do something for once, games are fun but you live your life with your head buried in one. You have something great and you ignore it. Lazy bastard!

2. ive known you most all of my life, you are one of my best friends and I love you more than most all of my friends combined, I really wish you would come to me more often when there is trouble with you. I know you get depressed sometimes, I can see it. Thank you for everything and always being there for me. I love you a lot

3. make that look or say something else to one of the girls that are my friends and i will rip off anything you think you can pleasure a woman with. EVERYTHING!

4. Life is not a soap opera, stop making it one.


5. I love you and all you have ever done is hurt me, As much as i love you i feel like i am starting to hate you. You were my first and you know what, you killed the experience because it meant nothing to me. Yet another thing in my life you made lack luster

6. You are my true best friend, I smoked my first cigarette with you, you were there when i had my breakdown, I stayed at your house everyday i could and wish me and you could have an apartment together. I cried when you had to leave and I couldnt see you as much anymore, it still bothers me that we dont spend nearly as much time together. No matter what shit happens, no matter how much you ride my case, i will always love you, not for what you have done or what you will do or anything like that, but because you are you and anything less than love from me would be a disgrace and seem like our time together meant nothing, thats why I love you.

7.I care about you a lot, truthfully i would dare say i love you, we got a lot in common and it is really fun to hang out wiht you. i just wish we could get some more alone time

8. I miss you so much it hurts, you dont realize how bad i need you here.

9. I hate it when you two hang out, you guys, who i introduced to each other, completely ignore me and for you guys to do that, knowing how much you guys mean to me, it really hurts. look closely next time we are all together, try to catch me fuming, its not hard

10.with you, i never know, you spin me about and i never know which direction i should go. you will end up causing me trouble to no end. truthfully, i dont mind it at all, i like the hard situations, the ones where there seems to be no hope, you put me in those situations often
No light web(s) has been casts - cast a web
 
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been a while
Yea, its been a while since ive posted anything, just wanted to see if everyone was doing alright.
 
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Songs

** I heard this song once and it stuck.  I aint one to get teary eyed or even cry much anymore.....after so long the tears just kinda dry up and stop but, well, every so often something comes along and makes you remember why you cry, makes you remember that it isnt bad to cry at all, that its important.  Last time I felt like crying was when I was watching Rent.  Things that involve love, Strong love, that make me remember things, things that I had, things that I want, things that make me feel special and see more than what I deserve, more than what I am.  Those are the things that make my chest tighten and eyes well up with tears.  Those are the things....**

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But you sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have
for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give you my destiny
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

 
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ginkitsune @ MindSay
AIM: ShiroKitsune2020

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